…What Do You Do With It?
It's been a rocky week. Taking work out of the picture, home life has been a roller coaster too. It started with last weekend in the ER after The Hubby's seizure. Perhaps I should provide a little background here. Two things that have irked me to no end are The Hubby's Familial Tremor and his kicking in his sleep. The tremor worries me because of knives and scissors and glass and all the things it could wind up helping him hurt himself with. The kicking in the sleep, well that's probably more obvious. He's oblivious to it and it pretty much insures that I don't get any kind of sleep.
Of course, the seizures bother me too. I've only witnessed one of them and that was certainly enough. There is no greater feeling of helplessness a person can feel than watching the person you love and cherish writhe uncontrollably on the floor fighting for every breath they're attempting to take.
All of these factors over the past 2 years have led to a certain distance in our relationship. A distance, both of us are probably becoming far too comfortable with. I was accepting more travel with work in hopes of not being home to witness an accident or another seizure. We also were sleeping in separate rooms in order for both of us to get a full nights sleep.
This week The Hubby went to a new neurologist, since his previous doctor had left the practice he was working at without any notification. The new guy prescribed what I have come to call "The Miracle Pill". The Hubby takes it in addition to his regular anti-seizure meds and it helps prevent what is called a "Breakthrough Seizure". This is a seizure that can occur even tho you are on meds to prevent one. This new drug also quiets his tremor and stops his night kicking. If it could silence his snoring, we'd be 3 for 3!
After 3 years I finally have what I want. I have a man who doesn't kick me in his sleep. I have a man who can handle a knife without me worrying about severed fingers and a man who most likely won't be having a seizure anytime soon.
These are all good things, wonderful things in fact. So why am I not ecstatic? I'm not exactly sure. I think a part of it was because all of those issues gave me some really great excuses. I could justify my care of him, and a lot of the decisions made because he was in no "condition" to take care of or make those decisions for himself. I could justify the lack of intimacy in our relationship by the fact that we were sleeping in different rooms. I could convince myself that my not being home often was a good thing and that we were better off because of it.
So I don't know, is The Miracle Pill really a miracle? Or has it opened up an entirely new can of worms???