Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Cup of Bitterness...

...can be bottomless.

Tod and I had a bit of an interesting conversation about bitterness tonight. I'm not talking about the bitterness you encounter upon biting into a lemon. I am talking about the bitterness that occurs in ones soul when wronged or otherwise put upon by another human being. It's much more sour.

Tod's bitterness stems from a recent exclusion...I'll leave it at that. He can get his own blog or leave a comment if he'd like. The bitterness I carry, and granted it's not some huge stone weighing me down, cuts much deeper.

I harbor bitterness for 2 people in my life and 2 people only. One, an ex-coworker whom I proved time and time again to be a huge liar. [Note: one thing I do not tolerate are liars.] She also had a penchant for wearing brightly colored "F*ck Me Pumps" in business situations where they were totally inappropriate. That's another thing I can't stand. During her short tenure with our company I caught this girl, let's call her "Christina"(cause that's her name and I don't care who knows it or if people who know her read this and foolishly don't know what a horrible liar she is), in a minimum of 12 lies. Bad lies, not even lies she could cover up. Lies that usually were so stupid there wasn't even any reason to lie. My coworkers often brushed it off as "Oh that's just silly Christina". I'm sorry, but anyone who feels the need to lie that much, can't be trusted in business or in personal dealings and to this day I harbor the bitterness towards her that can only be explained as utter detestation.

The other, Tod and I lovingly refer to as BSC. That stands for Bat Shit Crazy. Without going into an enormous amount of detail, this was a person whom we'd both had dealings with in the past and I can't imagine won't turn up like a bad penny in the future. He was welcomed, once again, into our circle of friends after making it very clear that he longed to be included. Then one day he disappeared...to Florida...without so much as a word to any of us. For me, that stings and it's a sting not soon forgotten. It irks me that someone who wanted so much to be included in  a circle of friends he could enjoy and depend on when needed, would vanish without so much as a word to any of them. I'm sure he thinks he has his reasons, but none of those reasons will ever satisfy the disdain I feel for him to this day in the dark recesses of the empty pit I once called a soul. Which by the way, according to Tod, is now locked in a steel box secured with iron bands and guarded by a fire-breathing dragon at the bottom of a volcano.

Some might say, "Oh let it go already!". But no, I won't. I will harbor this bitterness until the day they have to pry it out of my cold dead hands. "Why?", you ask? Because bitterness is power. When I have difficult situations to deal with, I can dip into this wellspring of bitterness to find the courage, strength, and the perfect sniping comment to see me through it. This ocean of bitterness can be parted like The Red Sea and then brought crashing down upon my enemies "Moses" style. I can count on this bitterness. I know it is something that will always be there when I need it for whatever purpose I call it into action.

Where bitterness is concerned...my cup runneth over.

4 comments:

  1. Forgiveness and letting things go is a hard thing to do. I struggle with it as well and have been known to hold a grudge for quite a long time.

    Even after you have resolved let something go, it cannot be forgotten. This person thought nothing of burning you once, no doubt he will do it again.

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  2. he who knows where the dragon lives....February 21, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Not one of you more endearing traits I have to say. I pretty much forgotten about the incident of mention until you brought it up again. I will say however that we all have our coping methods and as long as they don't involve physical or everlasting mental anguish, I say go for it. Just remember I will probably be there to rebuke you for it anyway.

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  3. Okay, you are not allowed to talk in code unless you say "Kim, it wasn't you." I have been mentally trying to think if I have excluded Tod in any way. I am paranoid that way.

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  4. Oh Kimmy, if it was you I would have said it was you. You know I'm not one to beat around the bush :-)

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