I've Said it Before...

…and I'll say it again. Women! Hold on to your men!!!

I run into posts like these all of the time online. (Parts have been blurred to protect the NOT SO innocent)

Here we have a "hetero" married man on a gay hook up site looking for sex. Supposedly because his wife has stopped "Putting Out". Seriously, hetero? He is showing off his bum on a gay sex site! How far would your heterosexuality have to slip before you started looking on gay sites for sex. I know my "Gay" would have to slip pretty darn far before you'd find me trolling Match.com for a lady friend to bed.

Straight women have no idea how often this happens. I tell my girlfriends about it and the resounding response is always, "Well not my husband!". Well, I hate to break it to you girls, but it is your husband more often than you ever realize. That, or it's your best friends husband, or your best friends best friends husband. It's like a frickin Herbal Essence commercial!!!

The typical response I get from most of these guys is "Hey, I'm not having sex with another woman…so I'm not cheating." I have a feeling that their wives might disagree. Hell, I disagree and I'm certainly not their wife!

So, quite simply ladies…don't ever stop having sex with your husband. It's that simple. Have sex with him till he can't take it anymore. Have sex with him until he doesn't have a drop of strength left to go and find it anywhere else. Cause if you don't, he's probably going to come looking for me or one of my friends!

Because, "That's not cheating."

When You Start To Get What You Want...

…What Do You Do With It?

It's been a rocky week. Taking work out of the picture, home life has been a roller coaster too. It started with last weekend in the ER after The Hubby's seizure. Perhaps I should provide a little background here. Two things that have irked me to no end are The Hubby's Familial Tremor and his kicking in his sleep. The tremor worries me because of knives and scissors and glass and all the things it could wind up helping him hurt himself with. The kicking in the sleep, well that's probably more obvious. He's oblivious to it and it pretty much insures that I don't get any kind of sleep.

Of course, the seizures bother me too. I've only witnessed one of them and that was certainly enough. There is no greater feeling of helplessness a person can feel than watching the person you love and cherish writhe uncontrollably on the floor fighting for every breath they're attempting to take.

All of these factors over the past 2 years have led to a certain distance in our relationship. A distance, both of us are probably becoming far too comfortable with. I was accepting more travel with work in hopes of not being home to witness an accident or another seizure. We also were sleeping in separate rooms in order for both of us to get a full nights sleep.

This week The Hubby went to a new neurologist, since his previous doctor had left the practice he was working at without any notification. The new guy prescribed what I have come to call "The Miracle Pill". The Hubby takes it in addition to his regular anti-seizure meds and it helps prevent what is called a "Breakthrough Seizure". This is a seizure that can occur even tho you are on meds to prevent one. This new drug also quiets his tremor and stops his night kicking. If it could silence his snoring, we'd be 3 for 3!

After 3 years I finally have what I want. I have a man who doesn't kick me in his sleep. I have a man who can handle a knife without me worrying about severed fingers and a man who most likely won't be having a seizure anytime soon.

These are all good things, wonderful things in fact. So why am I not ecstatic? I'm not exactly sure. I think a part of it was because all of those issues gave me some really great excuses. I could justify my care of him, and a lot of the decisions made because he was in no "condition" to take care of or make those decisions for himself. I could justify the lack of intimacy in our relationship by the fact that we were sleeping in different rooms. I could convince myself that my not being home often was a good thing and that we were better off because of it.

So I don't know, is The Miracle Pill really a miracle? Or has it opened up an entirely new can of worms???

A Gift…Not Re-Giftable

Moral dilemma! So I turn to those of you who have some, since as I've already discussed, I have only one.

At the same birthday celebration I mentioned in my previous post I was given a gift. I was given a gift that is something I would never, in my right mind, have purchased for myself. I was given a gift by someone notorious for giving horrible gifts. I was given a gift that I really want to throw in the trash, but can't bring myself too.

So how do you handle that? I mean, I know that you write the Thank You note and try to move on. That much I got. But beyond that, what do you do?

-   Do you trash it?
-   Do you throw it in a drawer only to remove it when the gifter might be in the room?
-   Do you display it somewhere out of the way?
-   Do you pawn it off on someone who might actually enjoy it?
-   Do you sell it at a Yard Sale?
-   Do you take it to Goodwill?
-   Do you say anything to the gifter in hopes that they might get the hint and not buy
      you such horrible gifts anymore?

This particular woman…let's call her Giftzilla, has a horrible eye for gifts. My mother, more so than me, has been the unfortunate recipient of most of this woman's lack of taste. Now Giftzilla has me in her clutches. I currently have a shelf devoted to the hideous gifts this woman has come up with and forced upon me. It's a shrine to Giftzilla. I mean, Giftzilla has been to my house many times. She can see first hand the types of things I like. I don't understand how she can look at some of these things and think, "OMG, JimNotMike will LOVE that!"

I love getting presents, anyone I know can tell you that. So I try to revel in the fact that it is a present and forget that it's a horrible ceramic trivet with french wine bottles on it. I try to forget that it's a wooden wine bottle/pepper grinder with "Jim's Vineyard" wood burned into the label. I try to forget that it is a hideously painted "40th Birthday" martini glass. I try to just enjoy the fact that I am getting a present and she thought enough to pick it out for me.

But I can't do it. I look at The Shrine to Giftzilla, and all I see is crap. Crap that I don't want in my home. Crap that I don't want other people to see in my home. Crap that I certainly don't EVER want people to think I would purchase for myself. Crap, Crap, Crap!

So, fellow readers, what do you do with "The Crap"?

Do As I Say...Not As You Think I Ought To

Ok, so I took some flack for my last post. Not through the comments unfortunately, but through email. The comments section is expressly for comments people! A few people wondered, "How could I point the finger at this poor misguided man when I myself am posting on the same site he found me on?"

Well gentle readers, there is one major difference in the 2 of us. I make no secret of what I do, when, where, and with whom I do it. I hide very little, much to the dismay of many people. My partner, my friends, even my coworkers are aware that my relationship is an open one. As I said to my dear hubby when we were first getting serious, "I am a slut. I was a slut before you met me, there is very little to suggest that this is going to change without a major act of Congress or a shift in the globes rotational axis."

Now people will scoff, "Well an open relationship is the same thing as cheating!" They would be mostly correct, but there is still one major difference. The lies. Cheating involves lying. In order to cheat effectively one must lie to their partner about. The deception is what makes it cheating. Now I know of many relationships that call themselves open and still lie, or simply don't mention the folks they are fooling around with on the side. For some open relationships that works. What it really comes down to is the initial agreement. I myself will not make an agreement to an open relationship that does not include full disclosure. But many consensual open relationships exist that thrive on one or both of partners not being fully cognitively aware of exactly what the other is up to, but yet are completely aware they are indeed up to it.

I will be more careful in the future when dealing with scandalous or sensitive topics to also include my motivations and prior viewpoints so as to avoid and backlash and judgmental finger-pointing. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the feedback...I live for it! I just prefer it in the comments section :-)

Moral Dementia

I have one moral...and one moral only. It's not enough to be a code, more like a Golden Rule...

I don't mess around with those I know to be married or otherwise in a relationship. It comes down to hypocrisy for me. I don't live in a state where my partner and I can be married. So it bugs me when a person who can take advantage of the benefits and commitment of holy matrimony choses to step outside of that bond to find, for lack of a better word, sex. It especially bothers me when it is a supposedly straight man stepping outside of that bond to have sex with other men. To me that is the ultimate hypocrisy.

Recently, while I was traveling for work, I received a response to one of the postings I post in the local area via CraigsList. The responder was one of my coworkers, a married with children coworker. He doesn't know he was responding to me, of that I am 98.5% sure. In a nut shell, he was looking for sex. Sex with another guy...me (not knowing it was me).

I responded to his post mainly because I wanted to make sure he didn't know it was me and was just playing some sort of prank. He replied, confirming that he had no idea it was me and at that point I broke off the conversation.

Now I am torn, certainly there is no way I would ever have relations with this man. That would break my Golden Rule. But his hypocrisy burns in my blood. I want to tell everyone about his "secret". I want everyone to know what a sleazy slime he is. I want his unsuspecting wife to know about the dangers he is subjecting her too when he travels. The poor wife never knows...until it's too late.

What would you do? Would you tell? Would you keep his secret, but let him know you knew his secret? Would you keep your mouth shut and never speak of it to anyone?

I really don't know which choice I plan to make. I do know I will not be deleting those emails anytime soon...especially the one with his very clear shirtless face picture.

I mean, when you only have one moral you have to always be prepared to play in the mud.