Best Explanation I've Ever Seen

I've talked a lot about the low carb lifestyle on this blog, but I've always been at a loss for words to describe how it works. That is, until I found this info graphic.

Thank you Massive Health!

Not to mention the fact that it finally explains to me what a triglyceride is. Not even my doctor could do that!

It Ain't All Bad

Almost done with the hospital posts folks, only one more after this. I wanted to take a moment to reflect on what this experience really meant to me and what I may, or may not have learned from it. Now I'm not going to get all sappy and go with the "Live Every Moment to It's Fullest" crap. We all know that's a load of bull. How totally exhausting would that be? You know me well enough by now to know that I am sooooo not about "exhausting". For me, it's about the small things.

I know, I know...the sky is not a small thing.

On the day I was being released from the hospital, this was the view out a nearby window. A storm had just passed and the skies were clearing. For me personally it felt very much the same. Four days earlier I was laying in an ER bed weathering what was perhaps the worst storm of my life to date. But that had passed and the sun was starting to peek through the clouds.

There will be more storms in the coming weeks, perhaps many. I'm not self-delusional enough to think for a moment that this isn't going to be an uphill battle. I mean, I'm fighting my own blood here...or it's fighting me, I'm not sure which?

But as long as I can keep this image in my mind, I know that at some point the rain, thunder and lighting is going to fade and the sun will once again poke it's head through the clouds.

Optimism? Maybe...call it what you will, but I prefer to think of it as an eventuality.

Never Forget

Some might say that I have a terrible memory...shut up Tod! I'm the first to admit that there are a plethora of details that slip through the stringy confines of my mind on a daily basis. But, ya know...I'd rather ask again then be concerned about remembering a bunch of things.  What I need is one of these! A Memory Board!

Look! I am independent!

This handy dandy little board is in every patient's room (Again, I am assuming, hopefully, that you have never been admitted to a hospital). Now I know, from the hospitals standpoint it makes sure that the rotating staff know what's going on and the patient can't pull a fast one on them (Unless said patient brought a Dry Erase Marker with them). For me it was wonderful! Ask Tod, I can never remember people's names. But now I always knew the names of the people I was interacting with that day. I never forgot my doctor's name. Suddenly my memory wasn't so murky. I was King of the World in an ill-fitting backless hospital gown!

All I have to do now is redevelop this for use at home. I already use a lot of paper lists here at the house, but what if I could combine all of that into a Home Memory Board. There could be To Do Lists, Grocery Lists, The Last 10 Topics Tod & I Discussed Online Lists, The Last 5 People I Spoke To Lists, in fact...the list of lists is endless! What would be even cooler is if it were somehow digital. I could tie it to my computer and just update till the cows come home! (No, I really don't have any lost cows...it's an expression people)

Another benefit is that anyone who sees my Memory Board would instantly have all kinds of topics of conversation they could discuss with me. "Oh, so you and Tod were talking about the house he looked at the other day...how is it?" or "What do you need boiled peanuts for???" or "Who's this Imelio person you were talking to yesterday???". Ok, maybe not that last one, that sounds a little accusatory.

Pick up yours...coming soon to Amazon.com!

My Two New Friends

You will find these items in practically any patient's room anywhere in the country. They are a patient's best friends.

Mr. Lung Thing & Ms. Bottomless Drink!

If you've never had an overnight stay in a Hospital, and I genuinely hope you haven't, at least one of these items might be unfamiliar to you. Mr. Lung Thing (Sorry, I have no idea what it's actually called) is a tool that helps keep your lungs strong since you typically aren't at your usual level of activity when in a hospital bed. They set a goal using the arrow slider and your job is, while slowly inhaling on the tube, is to get the plunger to that level. Now, I have perfectly healthy lungs, so my goal was set at the highest. Considering the amount I smoke, I was quite pleased that I was able to hit that mark. For people who have compromised lung function, each day or two they move the goal higher in order to slowly rehabilitate the person's lungs.

In the hospital, they are very concerned with how much you pee. I suppose it goes to show good bodily function. In order to achieve this, the cup by your bed is never empty. I drank enough Diet Ginger Ale over the course of 4 days to fill a 5 gallon bucket and peed every single drop of it back out. They gave me a handy little "urinal" to facilitate this. I had to ask for an extra cause I was filling them up so fast.

Aren't you glad I didn't provide a picture of that?

Back In Chains

Tired of seeing my IV posts? Well, think about if you had to look at them for 4 days straight! Anyway, once my freedom ended it was time to switch my IV. The one on the back of my left hand was really beginning to get uncomfortable.

On a side note, I thought of something on the first day that I highly recommend to anyone who ever has to be in the hospital should consider. I designated one arm for the Deposit Arm and one arm as the Withdraw Arm, That way, one poor arm wasn't getting all of the hassle. Worked like a charm! Each arm got a little bit of abuse instead of one arm holding a grudge against me afterwards.

Anyway, back to my IV. I decided to move it to my right arm, up until now, the Withdraw Arm. I figured it was time to switch them. I had no idea how much longer I was going to be in the hospital at this point and the way I sleep, it would work better in my right hand.

This time I had the forethought to go into the bathroom and shave all the hair off of my right hand. That stuff hurts getting yanked out! My nurse, Carole said, "Do you want me to do it on the side?" I thought, "Well, Carole...I'm not sure I know you well enough for that!" But what she meant was this!

Gives "On The Side" a whole new meaning!

If you are ever conscious in a situation where you have to get an IV...DO THIS! It's amazing! Totally gets all the tubey stuff out of your way. You don't catch it on things while doing menial tasks. Most importantly you can cover it up with your ID bracelet...well, depending on what hand your ID bracelet is on. Granted, once we made this switch, I never needed another IV.

I did learn something from this other than the obvious. I knew I probably wasn't going to be getting another IV since the Heparin wasn't working. So what I originally asked Carole was if she could just remove the IV all together. Get this! If you remove the IV the insurance companies then consider that you don't need to be in the hospital anymore. Hence why we had to move it to my other hand even tho I wasn't going to be getting anymore IV's. Funky Huh?

So, what'd you learn? Get your IV "On The Side" and if there isn't an IV in your arm, you no longer need to be in the hospital. Class dismissed!

Free To Be...

The third day (sorry these are out of order, I'm writing them as I think of them, not as they happen) I got to be free. The IV tube was removed, all of the electrodes monitoring my heart function were taken off, and the blood oxygen "finger tip" all came off. I was FREE! Free to get clean!

I showered, I shaved, I did a little dance, made a little love, got down...I digress. Anyway, even using the hospitals ultra harsh, but yet "baby" gentle toiletries felt wonderful. After my "spa day", I redressed in my gown lay down on the freshly made bed to enjoy my freedom for a few more minutes.

Look Ma! No tubes or wires! Just the IV "space station"

It was quite liberating after 2 days of constantly having something attached to you that you had to watch out for. I kind of equate it to having small children that never go to sleep!

Tethered

When in the hospital, you are almost always hooked up to something. Here is my constant companion for the past 3 days.

Hello Heparin Drip!

Heparin is supposed to clear up a blood clot and help thin your blood. It did neither for me. Three bags down my "Hatch", so to speak, and my blood was no thinner nor any less clot-ier than it was when I walked in the door on Monday.

Oh well, not all drugs work the same on all people.

Rumors of My Demise...

Have been greatly exaggerated. But I am in the Hosptial, so it could happen any moment now. So PANIC!

Looks like a little space station landed on my hand

Hopefully that can explain the lack of posts lately. But don't worry. I 'm going to be laid up for a while with absolutely nothing to do but post...exciting!

So keep an eye out about everything I have to say about the Hospital system. Don't worry...some of it is really good!

I Spent the Afternoon in the ER

Relax, I'm fine. I was sure it was a near death experience, but the doctors have assured me it wasn't a heart attack or a stroke. I was at Walmart and suddenly I felt very odd. Not dizzy, not faint, I just simply felt like I couldn't walk anymore. I didn't feel like I was going to pass out, I just felt like I was going to fall down. I thought, "Well maybe this is because I haven't had any lunch?". So, off I went to Burger King to sample one of their new salads. Standing in line at Burger King it just kept getting worse, my left arm and hand were tingling like they were waking up from being asleep. I got my food and went to the car and decided that I was going to drive myself to the ER. Well, as I was rounding the corner from Burger King my workplace is right there and I decided that I was NOT driving myself to ER. I pulled into the parking lot and walked into the HR Directors office and asked her to call me an ambulance. She did, immediately, without asking a single question. I love her!

The ambulance arrived and the HR Director was watching out her window. I said, "Please let at least one of them be big Bo Hunks." She said, "I'm not exactly sure of your definition of "Bo Hunk", but I'm saying no." Turns out, to my definition, both of them were Bo Hunks...SCORE! They assessed that I wasn't in immediate harm of dying so they strapped me to the stretcher and off we went to the hospital.

Do those numbers prove I really do have a heart? I think not!

Once we arrived at the ER they did all kinds of tests. I had blood drawn and a CT Scan. The scan was interesting, I'd never had one before. There is a soothing male voice that talks you through it. It says things like, "Take a deep breath and hold it....now breath" and "Relax, you're going to be just fine." Then the attendant says, "I'm introducing the contrasting fluid" and suddenly this warmth invades your body. I thought for sure it felt like I was peeing myself, but it was just the fluid going into the blood vessels in my legs.

In between the tests the doctor was trying to convince me that I had had a panic or anxiety attack. Well, I have witnessed plenty of those sorts of attacks first hand...Hello! The Hubby!!! So I knew I hadn't had a panic attack. I mean, what at Walmart could cause anxiety...besides the clothes people were wearing. That and I have perhaps the least stressful job imaginable. So he wanted to give me some Adavan, an anti-anxiety drug...this before any of the tests had come back. I refused it and I think it pissed him off a little bit.

After all the tests, when he was assuring me that I was fine and that none of the test pointed to heart attack or stroke he said, "So you refused my Adavan." I said, "Yes, I did. I saw no reason for it since I know it wasn't an anxiety attack." I don't think he liked that answer. He said, "Well if you had allowed it to be administered and you felt better it would have proven it was." To which I responded, "Yeah, and if it wasn't, I'd be all drugged up now and out of it." "You aren't throwing a pill in me as a test!" He said, "Well most people come to the ER looking for something as simple as a pill to treat them." Well, that aint' me! Now if he'd offered me a Rum Punch, that would have been a totally different story.

My disrespect for the medical community surfaces often in this blog. But I've seen too much in front and behind the scenes to just say, "Hell Yeah! I'll take that pill!" I think it's important for people to question what their doctors tell them. In most cases those doctors are just making educated guesses and while it may be a level  of education that I haven't attained, it doesn't mean that it's the right guess.

So, if I'm found dead within the next 48 hours you all will know why.

Pound For Pound

Well, it became apparent to me this evening that I need to drop a few pounds. I can't really go into details of how it became apparent…that would ruin a huge surprise. But let's just say that when one is bound and corseted within an inch of their life, you figure out very quickly where things are a little too pudgy.

I have 3 weeks and I only need to drop about 5 pounds. Last night when I weighed the dog, which requires weighing myself first, I topped out at 218(Molly was very fat…coming in at 42lbs Bad Dog!). It's not my worst weight, but also not my best. I tend to rock back and forth in the 200-220 area. The Mutual of Omaha insurance brackets say I should weight 170lbs. Ain't that a kick in the head! I would look totally Manorexic at that weight. When I went to the beach 2 years ago I had made it down to 190 and I could deal with that, but my Mom felt I wasn't eating enough. She said I looked gaunt. I said, "But I fit into all my skinny clothes!!!". Gaunt would have to do!

So, to help me shave a few pounds off in a few weeks I plan to low carb it. My friend Kim, who has had gastric bypass surgery a few years ago is currently doing a 5 day low carb plan designed to help her "reconnect" with her smaller stomach pouch. I am planning to augment the plan she is following. Basically what it comes down to for me is that fat doesn't get stored as fat in your body. Most fats get sent packing right out your poop shoot. My doctor and much web research has confirmed this. It's the carbs, the breads and the pastas and the cakes and the crackers….those are the items that are very easy for your body to process and then any excess gets stored as fat for later use.

Since I haven't had GBS, I am going to start on her "Day 3" (Skipping the all liquid days) where you begin introducing soft proteins. Food items such as tuna and eggs. All the while I will be "snacking" on protein shakes and low sodium lunch meat. From there you move onto more and more solid proteins. First the ground meats…chicken, beef, pork and then the solid meats…chicken, beef, pork. Now don't panic, I also plan to include the lower glycemic vegetables as well. Things like broccoli, spinach and green beans. My doctor says that green beans are like a miracle, you can eat all of them you want and they just pass right through your system leaving little or nothing behind. I like the idea of that.

I have done the Low Carb thing before. First I tried The Atkins Diet many years ago. I got the results I wanted and was able to fit into my beachwear. But I found it hard to stick to that plan for the long haul. More recently I tried The South Beach Diet. It is another version of the low carb diet that I found a lot easier to stick with. Of course once winter came and I was wearing baggy sweaters again, I found it easy to divert from it.

My friend Laura has had great success with Weight Watchers, as has my Mother. I may look into that as a long term solution. I like the idea of it's "in person" social side, what with weekly meetings to attend. On the other hand I might also wind up feeling like I am attending Fat Persons Anonymous. Who knows?

Right now tho, I just need to shed a few pounds to get through this end of September gig. So very low carb it is! After that I will take stock and see where I want to go from there. So I'll be starting all of this next Tuesday. There is no way that I'll be able to low carb it with the German Host Mother around…she's quite the cook and I plan to take advantage of that while she is here!