Food! Glorious Hospital Food?

Ok folks, here it is...the LAST hospital post. You may all breathe a collective sigh of relief.

I can't speak for every hospital everywhere, but the Meritus Medical Center in Hagerstown, MD has absolutely wonderful food. Their cafeteria/food court is one I would visit even if I wasn't staying at the hospital or visiting someone there. I never got the chance, or remembered to ask if they use an outside contractor or run the venue themselves...but it doesn't really matter.

Granted, I guess it depends on what diet you're placed on as a patient. Some sort of mistake was made with my initial check-in from the ER and I was placed on the cardiac diet even tho there was nothing at all wrong with my cardiac system at the time. This meant that my first meal the next morning was less than spectacular. It consisted of oatmeal (which I never eat), skim milk (which I never drink), dry toast (what's the point?) and a tiny bowl of scrambled egg-like product. Heaven help the day I ever have to eat like that! The second my nurse came in I told her we had to get this changed. There was nothing wrong with me that should relegate me to this torture. Not to mention that fact that I had not 2 months ago decided to remove all processed sugar and flour from my diet. It's for sure instant oatmeal and white toast did not fall into that category.

It took all of 10 minutes for the change to be made. Thank you Dr. Palmer! This opened up a world of lavish splendor I never thought possible in a hospital setting. Not even an hour after my diet option had changed than a suited concierge appeared at my door to discuss the menu options for lunch. He explained the hot meal special of the day and if that wasn't what I was in the mood for he had a host of substitutions I could choose from. That day the meal was a French Dip Sandwich with the choice of a salad and dessert options.

Once lunch was served and it was delicious, he then returned mid-afternoon to discuss dinner and breakfast the following morning. I began to feel less like I was staying in a hospital and more like I was at a resort! There was parmesan encrusted chicken breast, omelets with cheese and sausage, meatloaf, delicious juicy cheeseburgers. The options were truly endless. A small part of me wishes I was still there to sample even more menu items. I wish I had taken a picture of each meal as it was revealed to me, but alas, healing was more important. Here is my final meal of the stay.

Not impressive presentation, but D-Lish-Us!

The above is Turkey Slippery Pot-Pie. I was a little wary when the concierge described it, but it was quite yummy and full of flavor.

In addition to the meal service 3 times a day, each evening the nurse would appear at my door with the Late Night menu that I could order a snack from. If you were really hungry, you could order a complete second order of the hot dinner meal for the day. There were also sandwiches, salads, desserts, any kind of chip you could think of, and the hospital's "signature" milkshakes. I wish I would have tried one of the milkshakes, but alas...I really thought I was going to be there one more night and it would be my "going away" indulgence.

They also had a coffee shop in the lobby. The coffee that came with breakfast was your standard drip and that really wasn't up to my liking. On my last day at the hospital there was some confusion regarding my release. First I was leaving then I wasn't then I was again...maybe? So, I had told all my usual "Coffee-Bringing" visitors not to bother coming. About 1pm tho, I was jonesing for my Double Shot Latte so I asked the nurse, "Is it ok if I walk down to the lobby and get a coffee?". I was on "independent mobility" option after all. She stepped into the room and whispered to me, "Well, if you were to disappear from your room momentarily, who am I to say you aren't just walking the hall?...just put on some pants so you're not flashing anyone." Permission Granted! She ended with, "Just don't get caught!"

Yikes, the pressure! How to get all the way down 5 floors without being seen by anyone in a busy hospital? Turns out it was quite easy...just walk like you have a purpose, don't look back, just keep going. I ran into many people on my way downstairs and then again while going back up. Not one questioned me as to why I wasn't on my floor or as to why I was carrying a very large cup of coffee. I was the Ninja with the Open-Backed Gown! (kinda like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo! Ok, maybe not.)

So, if you find yourself having to go to a hospital and you happen to live in the Frederick/Hagerstown area AND it's not a life threatening situation, by all means head to the Meritus Health Center. You won't be sorry you did! When I was at the hospital in Frederick a few weeks ago and asked for some food you'd have thought I was asking them to name a wing after me. Then all I got was a dried out turkey sandwich with no lettuce or condiments. Heck, stop by the Meritus Cafeteria sometime when you're in the area and you will totally see what I mean.

I know a hospital stay isn't all about the food. They are there to save your life and keep you healthy, but while doing so, if you can get some good eats, I say Go For It!

It Ain't All Bad

Almost done with the hospital posts folks, only one more after this. I wanted to take a moment to reflect on what this experience really meant to me and what I may, or may not have learned from it. Now I'm not going to get all sappy and go with the "Live Every Moment to It's Fullest" crap. We all know that's a load of bull. How totally exhausting would that be? You know me well enough by now to know that I am sooooo not about "exhausting". For me, it's about the small things.

I know, I know...the sky is not a small thing.

On the day I was being released from the hospital, this was the view out a nearby window. A storm had just passed and the skies were clearing. For me personally it felt very much the same. Four days earlier I was laying in an ER bed weathering what was perhaps the worst storm of my life to date. But that had passed and the sun was starting to peek through the clouds.

There will be more storms in the coming weeks, perhaps many. I'm not self-delusional enough to think for a moment that this isn't going to be an uphill battle. I mean, I'm fighting my own blood here...or it's fighting me, I'm not sure which?

But as long as I can keep this image in my mind, I know that at some point the rain, thunder and lighting is going to fade and the sun will once again poke it's head through the clouds.

Optimism? Maybe...call it what you will, but I prefer to think of it as an eventuality.

Never Forget

Some might say that I have a terrible memory...shut up Tod! I'm the first to admit that there are a plethora of details that slip through the stringy confines of my mind on a daily basis. But, ya know...I'd rather ask again then be concerned about remembering a bunch of things.  What I need is one of these! A Memory Board!

Look! I am independent!

This handy dandy little board is in every patient's room (Again, I am assuming, hopefully, that you have never been admitted to a hospital). Now I know, from the hospitals standpoint it makes sure that the rotating staff know what's going on and the patient can't pull a fast one on them (Unless said patient brought a Dry Erase Marker with them). For me it was wonderful! Ask Tod, I can never remember people's names. But now I always knew the names of the people I was interacting with that day. I never forgot my doctor's name. Suddenly my memory wasn't so murky. I was King of the World in an ill-fitting backless hospital gown!

All I have to do now is redevelop this for use at home. I already use a lot of paper lists here at the house, but what if I could combine all of that into a Home Memory Board. There could be To Do Lists, Grocery Lists, The Last 10 Topics Tod & I Discussed Online Lists, The Last 5 People I Spoke To Lists, in fact...the list of lists is endless! What would be even cooler is if it were somehow digital. I could tie it to my computer and just update till the cows come home! (No, I really don't have any lost cows...it's an expression people)

Another benefit is that anyone who sees my Memory Board would instantly have all kinds of topics of conversation they could discuss with me. "Oh, so you and Tod were talking about the house he looked at the other day...how is it?" or "What do you need boiled peanuts for???" or "Who's this Imelio person you were talking to yesterday???". Ok, maybe not that last one, that sounds a little accusatory.

Pick up yours...coming soon to Amazon.com!

My Two New Friends

You will find these items in practically any patient's room anywhere in the country. They are a patient's best friends.

Mr. Lung Thing & Ms. Bottomless Drink!

If you've never had an overnight stay in a Hospital, and I genuinely hope you haven't, at least one of these items might be unfamiliar to you. Mr. Lung Thing (Sorry, I have no idea what it's actually called) is a tool that helps keep your lungs strong since you typically aren't at your usual level of activity when in a hospital bed. They set a goal using the arrow slider and your job is, while slowly inhaling on the tube, is to get the plunger to that level. Now, I have perfectly healthy lungs, so my goal was set at the highest. Considering the amount I smoke, I was quite pleased that I was able to hit that mark. For people who have compromised lung function, each day or two they move the goal higher in order to slowly rehabilitate the person's lungs.

In the hospital, they are very concerned with how much you pee. I suppose it goes to show good bodily function. In order to achieve this, the cup by your bed is never empty. I drank enough Diet Ginger Ale over the course of 4 days to fill a 5 gallon bucket and peed every single drop of it back out. They gave me a handy little "urinal" to facilitate this. I had to ask for an extra cause I was filling them up so fast.

Aren't you glad I didn't provide a picture of that?

Back In Chains

Tired of seeing my IV posts? Well, think about if you had to look at them for 4 days straight! Anyway, once my freedom ended it was time to switch my IV. The one on the back of my left hand was really beginning to get uncomfortable.

On a side note, I thought of something on the first day that I highly recommend to anyone who ever has to be in the hospital should consider. I designated one arm for the Deposit Arm and one arm as the Withdraw Arm, That way, one poor arm wasn't getting all of the hassle. Worked like a charm! Each arm got a little bit of abuse instead of one arm holding a grudge against me afterwards.

Anyway, back to my IV. I decided to move it to my right arm, up until now, the Withdraw Arm. I figured it was time to switch them. I had no idea how much longer I was going to be in the hospital at this point and the way I sleep, it would work better in my right hand.

This time I had the forethought to go into the bathroom and shave all the hair off of my right hand. That stuff hurts getting yanked out! My nurse, Carole said, "Do you want me to do it on the side?" I thought, "Well, Carole...I'm not sure I know you well enough for that!" But what she meant was this!

Gives "On The Side" a whole new meaning!

If you are ever conscious in a situation where you have to get an IV...DO THIS! It's amazing! Totally gets all the tubey stuff out of your way. You don't catch it on things while doing menial tasks. Most importantly you can cover it up with your ID bracelet...well, depending on what hand your ID bracelet is on. Granted, once we made this switch, I never needed another IV.

I did learn something from this other than the obvious. I knew I probably wasn't going to be getting another IV since the Heparin wasn't working. So what I originally asked Carole was if she could just remove the IV all together. Get this! If you remove the IV the insurance companies then consider that you don't need to be in the hospital anymore. Hence why we had to move it to my other hand even tho I wasn't going to be getting anymore IV's. Funky Huh?

So, what'd you learn? Get your IV "On The Side" and if there isn't an IV in your arm, you no longer need to be in the hospital. Class dismissed!

Free To Be...

The third day (sorry these are out of order, I'm writing them as I think of them, not as they happen) I got to be free. The IV tube was removed, all of the electrodes monitoring my heart function were taken off, and the blood oxygen "finger tip" all came off. I was FREE! Free to get clean!

I showered, I shaved, I did a little dance, made a little love, got down...I digress. Anyway, even using the hospitals ultra harsh, but yet "baby" gentle toiletries felt wonderful. After my "spa day", I redressed in my gown lay down on the freshly made bed to enjoy my freedom for a few more minutes.

Look Ma! No tubes or wires! Just the IV "space station"

It was quite liberating after 2 days of constantly having something attached to you that you had to watch out for. I kind of equate it to having small children that never go to sleep!

Tethered

When in the hospital, you are almost always hooked up to something. Here is my constant companion for the past 3 days.

Hello Heparin Drip!

Heparin is supposed to clear up a blood clot and help thin your blood. It did neither for me. Three bags down my "Hatch", so to speak, and my blood was no thinner nor any less clot-ier than it was when I walked in the door on Monday.

Oh well, not all drugs work the same on all people.